Whenever I think of the phrase “Just do it,” two things come to mind - the Nike slogan and Shia LaBeouf shouting at the top of his lungs in that infamous motivational speech. Not only did a sportswear company masterfully inject its brand into a powerful, everyday phrase, but meme culture also played its part, making an actor the first thing that comes to mind when searching for motivation.
I’m in a strange moment in my life. My current situation is something I’ve always dreamt of, but it happened so spontaneously that I feel kind of stuck right now. Lately, I was really tired of work and kept imagining myself resigning, shifting all my focus to my childhood dreams - something made possible by the financial safety net I built through years of saving.
I kept postponing planning for the free time I knew would eventually come since the exact date was unknown. It was a safe space where I could imagine life without the burden of unsatisfying work. I think I would have kept postponing my resignation forever. In a way, just imagining a life where I didn’t work anymore was what kept me sane.
And now, here I am - paralyzed by the endless directions I could take. I dreamt of this moment for so long, yet now that it’s here, I’m scared to make a choice. Should I follow my heart or my wallet? Should I spend time taking care of old friendships, or should I shut myself away and focus on the things that truly matter to me? There’s no right answer. I think I’ll be okay with whatever I choose to make my priority.
Some things take time. My team was laid off just a week ago, and I immediately felt the urge to act. No free time, no space to process it - just the pressure to start something new right away. I thought that if I allowed myself time to be lazy, I wouldn’t manage to complete all the projects I had in mind before I’d have to start looking for another job.
But as time passes, I see the flaws in that mindset. I didn’t react to being fired in any visible way - no strong emotions, no real sense of loss. But deep down, something was happening. I just wasn’t aware of it because I’ve become so good at silencing my emotions. And in this moment of confusion, when my inner self didn’t know how to react, I somehow managed to lock myself in an emotional prison.
I spent a few days in that space, but now it feels like my body is ready to let me out. I thought that once my emotions resurfaced, I’d be overwhelmed by fear - fear of not getting paid, fear of having so many plans that require me to open myself up to the world. But no, that’s not the case. What I feel instead is happiness. After all, this is something I’ve dreamt of for a long time. Nothing has changed. It’s exactly like in my dreams. I just need to act on my priorities, and everything will fall into place. I shouldn’t worry about the direction - I should focus on enjoying the road ahead.
I plan to spend this year focusing on myself and my childhood dreams. I hope to figure out who I am - or rather, who I was - before adulthood dulled my spark. I feel like I lost something along the way, but I know it’s still there, waiting to be found. I just need to spend some time searching for it. And I believe it’s only a matter of time before I feel whole again.
Wish me luck! Have a great day!