Whenever I think of the phrase “Just do it,” two things come to mind—the Nike slogan and Shia LaBeouf shouting at the top of his lungs in that infamous motivational speech. Not only did a sportswear company masterfully inject its brand into a powerful, everyday phrase, but meme culture also played its part, making an actor the first thing that comes to mind when searching for motivation.
I’m in a strange moment in my life. My current situation is something I’ve always dreamt of, but it happened so spontaneously that I feel kind of stuck right now. Lately, I was really tired of work and kept imagining myself resigning, shifting all my focus to my childhood dreams—something made possible by the financial safety net I built through years of saving.
I kept postponing planning for the free time I knew would eventually come since the exact date was unknown. It was a safe space where I could imagine life without the burden of unsatisfying work. I think I would have kept postponing my resignation forever. In a way, just imagining a life where I didn’t work anymore was what kept me sane.
And now, here I am—paralyzed by the endless directions I could take. I dreamt of this moment for so long, yet now that it’s here, I’m scared to make a choice. Should I follow my heart or my wallet? Should I spend time taking care of old friendships, or should I shut myself away and focus on the things that truly matter to me? There’s no right answer. I think I’ll be okay with whatever I choose to make my priority.
Some things take time. My team was laid off just a week ago, and I immediately felt the urge to act. No free time, no space to process it—just the pressure to start something new right away. I thought that if I allowed myself time to be lazy, I wouldn’t manage to complete all the projects I had in mind before I’d have to start looking for another job.
But as time passes, I see the flaws in that mindset. I didn’t react to being fired in any visible way—no strong emotions, no real sense of loss. But deep down, something was happening. I just wasn’t aware of it because I’ve become so good at silencing my emotions. And in this moment of confusion, when my inner self didn’t know how to react, I somehow managed to lock myself in an emotional prison.
I spent a few days in that space, but now it feels like my body is ready to let me out. I thought that once my emotions resurfaced, I’d be overwhelmed by fear—fear of not getting paid, fear of having so many plans that require me to open myself up to the world. But no, that’s not the case. What I feel instead is happiness. After all, this is something I’ve dreamt of for a long time. Nothing has changed. It’s exactly like in my dreams. I just need to act on my priorities, and everything will fall into place. I shouldn’t worry about the direction—I should focus on enjoying the road ahead.
I plan to spend this year focusing on myself and my childhood dreams. I hope to figure out who I am—or rather, who I was—before adulthood dulled my spark. I feel like I lost something along the way, but I know it’s still there, waiting to be found. I just need to spend some time searching for it. And I believe it’s only a matter of time before I feel whole again.
Wish me luck! Have a great day!