I have so many ideas, but they all get stuck in my head forever. I often wonder if it's because I'm lazy, or maybe I'm just afraid that others won't appreciate my efforts? The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. The process of writing an article is a good example of my passive approach to creative work. I'm always looking for a reason to do something - when what I should be doing is just sitting down and typing whatever I'm thinking about. However, all these thoughts like "No one will ever read this" or "Your English is not good enough to be enjoyed" make me put things off. Finding excuses effectively limits my potential. And whenever I feel insecure about something, any creative work has to wait a few days when my self is back to normal.
The title "Freestyle" helped me to actually write something. With many topics on my list waiting for the right time, something casual was the way to go. When I'm trying to get my thoughts down on paper in a language other than my mother tongue, it's easy to veer off track. The fact that I can't be as eloquent as I am when using my national vocabulary is really frustrating. I feel like a fraud when I can't express my opinion in a way that matches what I really think because of my modest vocabulary.
My main inspirations are people who work in the web development field. I thought my blog would be similar to theirs, writing more technical articles than personal ones. I'm not even surprised that I prefer to brag about my struggles with discipline and motivation. I think deep down I crave attention, but I'm afraid that my hard work won't pay off. And I have to say that it's a lot harder to write something about the industry than it is to just open up about myself and feel a little relief after all the effort I've put in. Hopefully one day I'll sell all my dirty web development secrets, because I know that some of them would be really useful to a lot of people.
Finally, I just wanted to say that I've been in a really good mood lately. I'm singing a lot, dancing when no one's looking, and not being so hard and mean on myself. Whenever I'm happy for a while, I'm also afraid that something will crush my inner peace and I'll hit the ground, falling from the heights determined by the levels of my happiness. Nevertheless, I cherish every happy day and celebrate it as if it's a holiday.
Wishing you all the best! xoxo